<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Shitpost Soulmates by Melusine11</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132122">Shitpost Soulmates</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melusine11/pseuds/Melusine11'>Melusine11</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, No Pregnancy, Oral Sex, Smut, Soulmates, The Author Regrets Nothing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:36:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melusine11/pseuds/Melusine11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben hates his soulmate mark. With an unbridled passion. When he was younger, he thought finding out what his mark was, if he had one, would be amazing. Then, when most people got theirs, his never showed up. And that was fine. He could live with that. He would happily go back to live with that. Instead of the monstrosity he has now.</p><p>His surprise mustache. </p><p>  <em>Two ferrets kissing.</em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>281</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Shitpost Soulmates</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/commandercrouton/gifts">commandercrouton</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/gifts"></a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This has honestly been months in the making - mostly in the way that I said I wasn't going to, and kept changing my mind, so here we are! All my thanks and love to my two favorite enablers - this is your fault.</p><p>Self-edited, so all mistakes are definitely mine.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben hates his soulmate mark. With an unbridled passion. When he was younger, he thought finding out what his mark was, if he had one, would be amazing. Then, when most people got theirs, his never showed up. And that was fine. He could live with that. He would happily go back to live with that. Instead of the monstrosity he has now.</p><p>It showed up a few days before his eighteenth birthday. It was a Wednesday. He woke up, lip tickling a little bit, and when he went to scratch at it discovered facial hair.</p><p>His mother had been ecstatic. His father had tried to keep a straight face and failed. Ben didn’t go into school for the rest of the week. </p><p>No one blamed him. He heard them sometimes, whispering, about his soulmate mark, his surprise mustache. <em>Two ferrets kissing</em>.</p><p>That was over a decade ago now. Now he maintains his mustache by shaving it off every morning. He’s in all of the databases, hoping he’ll get a hit one day. Whoever they are is out there. Hopefully. </p><p>The problem with soulmate marks, a rambling lecture he hears from Poe any time they’re together. Is how unpredictable they are. Sometimes they’re facial hair, or a constellation of freckles, very rarely words, sometimes they’re almost like birthmark patterns, and there’s no way to determine who gets what. Ben’s parents both have the freckle variety; on their wrists, they align perfectly when they hold hands. If Ben lets Poe continue his rant, he usually gets into his displeasure at databases, all of those soul marks being scanned by an AI, and randomly sent out to you if one slightly matches yours. Poe has gotten no less than five emails from the various programs, and each one has ended in disappointment - they’re all just a little <em>off</em> and, Poe will continue, they haven’t <em>zinged</em>. </p><p>Ben doesn’t know about zinging, if it’s true or not. His mom described the feeling of brushing hands with his father for the first time like finally breathing fresh air, his dad described it as an electric shock, but that also might have been the taser talking - a topic no one in the family is allowed to discuss anymore.</p><p>So Ben tempers his expectations on matches and shocks and zings and just checks his email used for the databases on the first Friday of every month. It’s the first Friday in October when he sinks into his chair in front of his computer and takes a sip of his favorite IPA. He likes to pretend he won’t be disappointed each month, but it’s a lie, one that convinces no one he knows.</p><p>It’s there though, in bold unread font. A new message from the primary database people chose to use: Marks-A-Plenty. His hands shake as he opens it. There’s no match, but someone has sent him a message—two and a half weeks ago. <em>Fuck</em>.  He has to log on to read it because god fucking forbid they put the message in the body of an email. No, instead, he has to jump through hoops to possibly deal with a troll.</p><p>
  <em>Hi Ben, </em>
</p><p><em>My name is Rey... I’m on my fourth account here because they keep banning me, but I have not uploaded a picture of my mark this time so hopefully, I’m safe for a little bit longer. This is making me sound creepy, huh, wow. Whoops. Anyway, I saw your soul mark, and I really think it’s a match to mine, but I can’t share it through here, or they’ll flag me for porn </em>AGAIN<em>- </em></p><p>Ben blinks at that, wondering where the hell her soul mark could possibly be, and maybe pornbots <em>had</em> finally invaded matching databases now instead of just his spam email, but he keeps reading.</p><p>
  <em>Anyway, I know this sounds super suspicious, and I wouldn’t believe me either, but I promise I’m real, and I can verify anything you want or send you all of the usual bs these places ask for and list, but since I don’t have a picture and can’t upload one, I’m sure they’ll nuke my account sooner than later, so here’s my number: 545-555-0482</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Rey</em>
</p><p>Beneath it, there’s a short list: age, sex, height, hair and eye color, the usual fare, but nothing too personal beyond that. </p><p>Ben downs the rest of his drink as he adds the number to his phone. Then he logs out and goes into his kitchen to get another drink while he attempts to search her number. Nothing comes up - no spam or bot call reports, and he’s not going to pay whatever the fee is to expose whoever is behind the number. Worst-case scenario - he can block them.</p><p>He settles on his couch and props his feet up on the coffee table and starts with something easy and obvious.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Rey</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply">Hi, Rey, this is Ben.</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>His left leg refuses to stay still, bouncing up and down as he stares, and he waits. It’s barely 8 pm where he is; maybe she’s in a different timezone and still at work or sleeping or halfway across the world where he no longer knows how time actually works. He puts his phone facedown next to him and turns on the TV. Baseball is on, and he can pretend he’s interested in that.</p><p>Five minutes pass.</p><p>Ten minutes pass.</p><p>As he watches as the fifteen-minute mark creeps closer and closer, he jumps when his phone vibrates. There’s a slight fumbling as he goes to pick it up, and his hands are sweating so badly he has to wipe them off a few times before it recognizes his fingerprint, but then, there she is, and he laughs in relief.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Rey</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply">Hi, Rey, this is Ben.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Holy shit!</span>
<span class="text">You’re alive! Not that I assumed you were not, you know, just that maybe you’re one of those types who’s decided they no longer want to meet their soulmate, you know? Wow. Hi!</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>He has so many questions for her, but the bubbles pop up before he can ask any of them.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Rey</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">You’re alive! Not that I assumed you were not, you know, just that maybe you’re one of those types who’s decided they no longer want to meet their soulmate, you know? Wow. Hi!.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">I’m out with some friends right now, but I promise to drink water from now, on so I’m coherent enough to keep talking to you</span><br/>
<span class="breply">You don’t have to, we can talk tomorrow</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Are you kidding me?! I’ve been waiting my whole life to find you, to figure out where I belonged, oh damn, maybe I already had too much to drink, shhh</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>Ben smiles at his screen like an idiot, she’s wonderful.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Rey</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply">I’m pretty sure that’s my line, I’m older than you are.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">LOL I like you already</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>Twenty minutes go by, and Ben is now stretched out on his couch, phone resting on his stomach as he watches the game. Thirty minutes later, his phone rings, and he swings his legs over the couch and sits up straight before reaching to mute the tv. Her name lights up the screen.</p><p>“Hello?” His voice is breathless when he answers.</p><p>“Hi Ben,” she greets, she has an accent, and he feels himself smile.</p><p>“Rey,” he tests her name out on his tongue, and then, “you’re British?”</p><p>She laughs in his ear. “What gave it away?” Ben feels his heart sink, England is far, there will be heavy planning involved if she’s really his soulmate. “I grew up there, but I live in the states, have since college, I’m just outside of Courosaunt.”</p><p>“No shit,” Ben breathes, and she laughs again, “I live in the city.”</p><p>“I know you do; it’s in your bio.”</p><p>“Right.” He had forgotten, “so, uh-“ he starts, and Rey hums.</p><p>“One sec,” she says, then there’s some shuffling and rustling noises from the other end as she does whatever it is she’s doing. “My mark, right?” She asks, and Ben makes a noise in his throat. “Okay, yeah, do you wanna FaceTime? Or would you rather a picture?”</p><p>“What are you more comfortable with?”</p><p>“Honestly? I kind of want to see your face when you see it. And I just want to see your face. I’ve only seen your mark, but I feel like you have a good face just based on your top lip and nose.” </p><p>Ben snorts into the phone, “you’re not drunk, are you?” He asks, not wanting her to be inhibited for this.</p><p>“Nah. I didn’t have much while we were out, and I drank water and tried to eat all of the nachos, but I was told that was rude, and I had to share, so I ate the wings instead.”</p><p>She surprises another laugh out of Ben, and he listens to her quietly laugh with him before he settles down. “Okay then, FaceTime.”</p><p>The alert chimes in his ear a second later, and with a shaking hand, he presses the accept button. Ben feels his breath catch in his throat. She’s beautiful, with a full smile that reaches her eyes and crinkles her nose. He thinks she has freckles, but the light, wherever she is, makes it hard to tell for sure.</p><p>“I knew it,” is the first thing she says, and he realizes she’s been taking him in just as he had been doing to her. “An excellent face,” she affirms, and Ben feels his cheeks flush with heat. He watches her smile grow. </p><p>“Not as excellent as yours,” he says and then cringes, Rey laughs, head tipping back and Ben watches in awe.</p><p>“You’re funny,” she chuckles, then squirms a bit where she sits. “You shave it off?” She eventually asks, head tipping to the side as she looks at him and the short wisps of hair that are growing back in above his lip.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, kissing ferrets on your face tends to make people not take you very seriously in the board room.”</p><p>“Sounds boring,” she says, nose crinkling up again, “I happen to like my kissing ferrets, very much, maybe I can change your mind about them?” She asks, voice far too innocent sounding in conjunction with the glint in her eye.</p><p>“You can try,” Ben drawls, “but I’ve been quite decided since they showed up.” She hums at him, and then she was moving, scooting closer to the light, and then she bites her lip. “Rey, whatever it is, it’s fine. Even if it’s not a match—”</p><p>“No, I’m very sure it’s a match. I just—are you sitting down? I don’t want you to pass out?”</p><p>“What? Why would I pass-oh!” The syllable escapes him in surprise as she moves her phone, panning down her very naked body and stopping between her splayed thighs. “Oh, yep, I’m sitting. I have been.” He watches her body shake as she laughs. “This explains the porn thing,” he settles on saying.</p><p>“Yup,” she agrees, jostling the camera as she moves again, and then her fingers dip into the frame. Ben feels his throat go dry. “You can breathe, Ben,” she says, and he remembers belatedly that his face is still on the screen. Ben nods as he watches her fingers move through her trimmed pubic hair, they caress over the two patches void of any hair. Two kissing ferrets.</p><p>“I—” he swallows, “I don’t know what to say.” </p><p>“Do you think—?”</p><p>“Yes!” Ben practically shouts the word, and Rey lifts the phone so that he can see her face once more, “but I think I should confirm.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Rey’s voice is breathy, and Ben notes she’s blushing now.</p><p>“Yeah, definitely, in person is the best way to tell, or so they say.”</p><p>“They do say that,” Rey agrees, sucking her lower lip into her mouth, teeth sinking into the plump flesh, her eyes drift down to his mouth.</p><p>“Rey?” He asks, drawing her gaze back to his in an instant. “How did you envision this playing out?”</p><p>She laughs a little, wild and strained. “I don’t know,” she whispers. “I was scared, and I thought maybe something happened to you when you didn’t answer my email.” Ben’s chest aches at the thought of having caused her pain. “Then I thought, well, maybe it’s not actually a match, but you are, and you live so close, and it seems too good to be true, you know?”</p><p>Ben nods, “I do know.”</p><p>He watches as Rey draws herself up, and he watches her glance around her space before looking back at him. “How I envisioned this was you living far away, so I’ve had to make some last-minute adjustments to the plan just now.” Ben grins at her, and he sees her relax. “So I envisioned...what I want,” she says, voice determined, “is for you to come here, put your mouth on me and then stay forever.” She inhales as Ben struggles to find the words to her blunt answer. “That’s the most important part,” Rey says quietly. “If you’re mine, please don’t leave.”</p><p>“Rey,” Ben tells her, voice low and intense as he stands, “if you’re my soulmate, there isn’t a force in the universe that could keep me from coming back to you.” He watches her shoulders relax, and he smiles at her. “Now, how about you tell me where you are so I can get there and put my mouth on you.”</p>
<hr/><p>Her apartment door swings open after he only knocks once, and there she is. She got dressed he thinks fleetingly with a small frown, not that he expected her to open her door naked when anyone else could be in the small hall, but it would have been hot. She still is, though. An overlarge sweater hangs down to her mid-thighs and slouches over her one shoulder.</p><p>“You should probably come in,” Rey eventually says, and Ben blinks. How long has he been standing in her hallway, one light obnoxiously flickering in the corner while she waits there, bare feet on a floral welcome mat inside her apartment.</p><p>“I should,” he croaks, taking a step forward as she takes one back, and suddenly he’s in her space, her home and the door closes with a click behind him.</p><p>“Hello.” She’s smiling up at him, and Ben notes that she <em>does</em> have freckles.</p><p>He takes a shuffling half step closer and feels his hair stand up on end across his body. “Hi.” He licks his lips and stares at her. “I’m sorry- I didn’t- I didn’t bring anything.”</p><p>“I only needed you to bring yourself,” she tells him, sounding confused.</p><p>“I know!” He rushes to correct, “I just, my mother taught me never to visit someone empty-handed.”</p><p>Rey hums, nose creasing as she smiles at him, and then she reaches down, gripping the ends of her sweater and pulling it up over her head. Ben feels the air rush from his lungs because she is very, very, beautifully, wonderfully naked. “So hold onto your cock for me,” she says, and he wheezes in shock. “I think you just bringing yourself is enough, but if this is real, we can make up something to appease your mother.” Her hand stretches out and hovers in the space between them. “May I?” She asks, and he nods.</p><p>Nothing happens when they touch, and he tries his best to hide his disappointment. “Rey,” he speaks up, letting her lead him deeper into her apartment. “What if this isn’t—”</p><p>She glances back at him, hand tightening around his, “and what if it is?”</p><p>Either way, he’s terrified. He’s either about to be disappointed yet again, but in a far more staggering way than he has been before because Rey just <em>does</em> something to him. Or this is it. This is his soulmate. This is the first day of the rest of his life, the rest of their lives.</p><p>Rey shakes free of him and sits down on the edge of the bed, head tipping up to look at him. Ben pushes his palms over his jeans, wiping away the sweat. He can hear his heartbeat in his hears, feel it in his throat. Slowly, without looking away, Rey’s thighs part.</p><p>“I have one request,” she whispers, voice trembling slightly. As Ben’s gaze pans down her body, he takes note that her hands are as well. At least he’s not alone.</p><p>“Anything,” he assures, stepping closer.</p><p>“Kiss me here first.” Her shaking fingers pass over her mouth. His thighs push hers wider as he steps between them, hand settling on the sides of her neck, fingers pressing through her hair, thumbs stroking along her jaw. </p><p>He can hear her breath hitch as he bends down towards her, their eyes falling closed in tandem. Pausing just before kissing her, he takes a moment to listen to their breathing, how it sounds loud and ragged already, and then her slender hands find purchase near the bottom of his shirt, twisting it. Their lips meet, abrupt and sudden, and she gasps. It might be the best thing he’s ever heard, he thinks, as he sweeps his tongue into her mouth with a low groan. He kisses her hard, enjoys the way her teeth scrape over his tongue as he retreats. </p><p>“Now?” He asks, not moving far from her space, opening his eyes to take her in. She nods, and Ben’s knees hit the hardwood floor with a thud that makes him grimace. He pushes her legs further apart, slings her knees over his shoulders, and then just stares at her.</p><p>This close to her center, he can smell her arousal, musky with a hint of sweet, as well as the lingering scent of soap, it smells like the kind he favors. Ben turns and presses a kiss to the meat of her inner thigh, inhaling her and mentally begging for this to be it. Pulling back again, he can see wetness coating her outer lips, but more than that, just above, in her trimmed hair, it’s there: her mark. His wide fingers trace the bare space. She whimpers, and he glances up to find her staring raptly at him.</p><p>“Do it,” she says, voice raspy and intense before she softens. “Please.”</p><p>His nose makes contact first, bumping against her clit, and his tongue follows, licking a stripe up her cunt before moving up, lips pressing a kiss to her clit, but it’s not quite right. So he opens his mouth wide, covering the whole of her, and then it happens, his mustache aligns with her mark. Rey’s hand’s fist in his hair and she sobs his name while he jolts bodily. “Zing,” he whispers against her slick folds, and her hold tightens. Rey’s ankles cross behind his back, and his hands hold her waist. </p><p>With a low grunt, he hauls her even closer to him, to the edge of the bed, and she falls back across it. He can hear her muttering ‘it’s you’ over and over and over again. He inhales her, devours her, parts her folds with his tongue, and presses it inside of her heat, rubs his nose against her clit until she screams his name and floods his face.</p><p>She doesn’t wait, sitting up and reaching for him, hauling his body on top of hers to stare up at him in wonder. “It’s you.” There’s color high on her cheeks, making her freckles stand out and she laughs into his mouth when she pulls him down for a kiss. “Why are you still dressed?” she mutters, teeth around his lower lip.</p><p>“I— you distracted me,” he answers with a laugh. Rey grins and reaches for his pants while he removes his shirt. She gets them down around his thighs, and that’s enough for each of them because she touches him, and Ben can’t be bothered to move any more than he has to, and right now, the only place he has to move is towards her again. To kiss her more.</p><p>Ben revels in the feel of her small hand wrapped around his cock while they kiss, lets her stroke him until he thinks he can’t take it anymore, and then Rey shifts her hips, and he sinks inside of her. It takes everything in him not to cum immediately, he’s so keyed up from her intoxicating touches and kisses that he absolutely could at the feel of her around him.</p><p>“Rey,” he gasps her name, holding his hips still.</p><p>“Ben,” she breathes, her gaze intense and happy. He flinches when her thumb brushes against his upper lip. “Grow this out?” she asks, and Ben nods, because buried inside of her, he’s pretty sure he’ll promise Rey anything and everything. “Good, now fuck me.” </p><p>He does. It doesn’t last long, but he’s too happy to be embarrassed, plus he got her off again before he came, and when she nuzzles up against him with a satisfied sigh, she tells him she can’t wait to do that again.</p><p>They spend the weekend in bed, and on her couch and her kitchen counters, and her floors. Ben takes her hard and fast and then slow and gentle, rocking into her while they lay on their sides facing each other. Between bites of food, Rey straddles his lap and rides him until they’re both sated. During a movie, he stretches out on the couch and makes her sit on his face. It’s different like that. Every time their marks brush sends a fire racing up their spines. It’s addicting.</p><p>On Sunday afternoon, after they’re both freshly showered, Rey pushes him down onto her bed with a smirk. “Lay down,” she says, and he obeys, cock already half hard from their teasing kisses in the shower. She climbs onto the bed and swings a leg over his head. “Can we try this?” she asks, reaching forward for his cock.</p><p>“Fuck yes,” he tells her, grabbing her hips and holding her over his mouth. Her legs shift until she’s sitting on his face, and he flicks his tongue over her clit, then through her folds and back over the tight furl of her asshole. She groans and Ben files that thought away for later, going back to lick and kiss her cunt. Rey’s hand slips down, and she cups his balls while she leans over him, wrapping the tip of him in her lips. He flexes his hips and thrusts up into her mouth while she descends, and Ben moans against her. Their height difference isn’t suited for this, but they make the best of it, and when she cums, he isn’t far behind.</p><p>Rey scrambles around to kiss him, and he tastes himself on her tongue. It mingles with the heady taste of her, and he loves it. She presses a kiss to his top lip and sinks down beside him with a happy sigh.</p><p>“What happens next?” she asks, fingers coming up to trace the wispy hairs growing over his mouth. In retaliation, Ben slips his hand between their bodies and strokes gently over the smooth flesh of her mark.</p><p>“I don’t know. My lease is up in two months.”</p><p>“Oh, mine is uh - I could break it early, probably.” She looks thoughtful for a moment. “Wait, do you want to live here? With me?”</p><p>He moves his hand and catches her wrist before linking their fingers together. “I don’t care where we live— I just want to be with you.”</p><p>“Ew, sappy,” she says, teasing, nose scrunching up, and Ben leans in to kiss it.</p><p>“Get used to it.”</p><p>“I want that too, though, to be with you,” she whispers, eyes closed as he kisses across her cheeks.</p>
<hr/><p>“Okay,” Rey says after a deep breath, “I have an idea.”</p><p>Ben puts down the last box next to the couch and looks at her. She’s standing in the entrance to their kitchen in a baggy shirt and short shorts, watching him with a smile. It’s theirs now, not his, or hers, but a new place, a home. They moved to Naboo, where they honeymooned two years ago, and Ben is excited to start this next chapter of their lives here.</p><p>“If this is about attempting to build an orchard in the yard-” </p><p>“It’s not,” she cuts him off with a laugh. “At least not this time. I was thinking of a pet. Maybe two.”</p><p>Ben nods thoughtfully and walks towards her, wrapping her up in his arms and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “We have the space for dogs,” he agrees.</p><p>“Oh, no, no dogs. I was thinking ferrets.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was my 69th fic! So I had to add it in, however briefly. I hope you enjoyed and it made you smile.<br/>Come say hi on <a href="https://twitter.com/hellomelusine">twitter!</a></p><p>Please enjoy this <a href="https://twitter.com/AlhenaCrimson/status/1299078904385282060?s=20">art </a> by AlhenaCrimson on Twitter!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>